Male Bashing - The Wrong Approach

To Be or Not to Be......a Feminist:

It is 2011. Most of the world would still consider myself, or any woman for that matter who is willing to write about women's issues, a "feminist" or a least call them a "strong woman". Do I consider myself a feminist? Perhaps....perhaps not. Well, not in the way that so many "feminists" are viewed in this day and age. Am I a "strong woman"? I would say so, if you consider strength to be standing up for the respect of women and raising awareness for women's issues. A "strong woman" to me, is anything but going along with the flow of what mainstream society confines women to be like and or look like.

A good number of Christian churches today would consider most vocal women to be "feminists". And quite a few, not all churches, would argue that "feminists" in general are usually disrespectful to men. Some traditional churches would even go as far as to say that women are "out of place" when they share their strong opinions regarding certain issues. Like Christianity, there are many other religions in the world that believe these things to be true as well. So where do we draw the line?


Whether the church is right or wrong, is not my point. It is unfortunate that most of the time women take the wrong approach to expressing themselves and their voice. Is it possible to voice a strong female opinion without loosing our femininity or even crossing over into degrading the male gender? What really is "our place" in church or in the world for that matter?  I have a lot to say about this topic, and will elaborate more on the church and women in another post.

The WRONG Approach:

While I may be vocal and passionate about global issues for women, it is important for you to know that I have an ultimate respect for men. Does this mean that I have always, in every situation "shown" respect for each man when I have felt disrespected by them in return? I wish I could say this was the case. I have learned, unfortunately in the past sometimes the hard way, and am still learning how to stand up for myself and other women in the right way.

It is never okay for women to undermine men in order to uplift women. The same goes for men who put down women in order to feel more powerful. This is exactly what we are talking about, however this blog is addressed to women. After all, in the end, we can only ever change ourselves. I will say it again. By no means should women undermine men in order to uplift women. It is sad that so many feminists "shoot themselves in the foot" by bashing men in attempts to establish respect for themselves. In the end, all feminists truly just want to have a respected voice, while sometimes they themselves tear down the male gender. Granted, I honestly can't think of a time that I have taken that extreme of an approach, I have been guilty of returning an attitude of disrespect for not being respected as a woman.

The RIGHT Approach:

Be strong ladies, but for Heaven's sake, do it with class. As I previously stated, it is important for women to stand up for themselves while showing men the honor and respect that they deserve as any human being deserves. This is especially difficult to do in the heat of the moment when you feel you are being undervalued, or degraded as women. We must remember that in order to get the results we want we must take the right approach. It is never right to return wrong for wrong.


What is the right approach? How do we practically live this out on a day-to-day basis? It is the same whether we are addressing our husbands, bosses, co-workers, fathers, brothers, and yes, even the man that walks by and yells out "Hey! Hot Mama!" Okay, so maybe there is a bit of a difference between our husbands and our brothers and certainly between our bosses and the man on the street, at least I hope so. The point here is that they all have one thing in common. They are all men.  All of them listen with male ears and think with male minds, so we must approach accordingly. If we can learn to address it in a way that they understand, we will be heard. I will post more on this later.

Issues, Not Rights:

In this blog I want to discuss issues that women come up against in everyday life. Notice I never say "women's rights" but rather address "women's issues". This is because I want to include so much more than just the "rights" of women. What are "rights" anyway? I believe every human being overall has the same rights, such as the right to be respected. This blog is more about controversial issues that are specific to girls/women, than about our "rights".

"Strong Men"

Men will never truly understand what it is like to be a woman. Likewise, we will never know what it is like to be a man. It is important for all of us to respect gender differences and understand them, in order to work with those differences. While I may not always agree with them on everything, I have an ultimate respect for the men in my life, and for men in general for that matter. I have the highest regards for men who are sensitive and understanding of what women often have to face in this world. In terms of strength, I think the strongest men are those who are not threatened by "strong women" but are rather secure in who they are as a man.

My husband is undoubtedly one of these types of "strong men", and I am deeply thankful that he provides a stable foundation and protective covering for me to be a "voice for the voiceless" and discuss women's issues. Not only does my husband support me and this blog, but he provides necessary insight and is a great resource to my writings.


"He created them male and female and he blessed them." Gen. 5:2

The Real Purpose for This Blog

The Beginning

Is it possible to have a modern day blog that raises awareness about current women's issues here in the US and around the globe, while still respecting men? The answer is yes! And that is what I set out to do. I may not be the best author of all time, but I am very passionate about women's issues around the world and feel the need to do something about it. So I will write....

I have been to 11 different countries, and have been blessed to experience working with women from very different cultures. I have worked with orphans, and former prostitutes in third world nations such as Cambodia and Malaysia. I have also attended elite Paris couture fashion shows sitting next to the wealthiest women in the world. I have found that with each of these extremes, one thing remains... despite wealth, race, or disposition in life, women all experience the same emotions of pain and joy, happiness and suffering. All of us need to know our worth and value. All of us need love.

Taking It in a Different Direction

I started this blog as a fashion blog and am deciding to take it in another direction. Okay, so I can't promise I won't ever write about shoes, but I am going focus on writing about what I am MOST passionate about, women's life issues. I will post on topics such as: body image, plastic surgery, marriage, race, religion, abortion, adoption, women in politics, and even motherhood (though I am not a mother...yet). I want to raise awareness for controversial issues such as: finding your voice in an "man's world", and deep global issues like: sex trafficking, the wearing of burkas, female circumcision, and poverty.

This is not a religious blog. It is a blog about women's issues.  I do believe however, the Bible is absolute truth, so my posts will be based from that standpoint. That being said, in my own life I have been forced to dig for much deeper answers than some of the traditional religious answers of today, and will share in a way that forces you to think for yourself, and dig for your own answers as well. Let's face it. We need real tangible solutions for the problems we face today. Most Christians would say, "Jesus is the answer for everything". While I agree with that statement wholeheartedly, I ask, "What exactly does that look like, for Jesus to be the answer?" How do you realistically tell that to the woman in Africa dying of AIDS holding her starving baby?

This blog is not for the faint of heart. This blog is not for the North Raleigh women who want to stay in their perfect little Crabtree Valley Mall/Brier Creek bubble, and not be bothered to know what is going on in the world around them. Some of the issues I want to talk about are very controversial, so please keep in mind that if you disagree with me on any of these postings, on any level, I truly respect your opinion and I welcome you to not read my blog.

I also understand that by openly posting my opinions I risk losing friends of differing opinions and values. Though it would grieve me to know that I have lost any friends, I also know that I must fulfill my ultimate calling, being a "voice for the voiceless" and standing up for what I believe to be truth. Life is short and I want to make an impact on this earth while I am here. There is too much inside of me that I must get out in hopes of bettering the lives of women.....

Ultimate Purpose

By inviting you to read my writings, I hope you will join me on this journey of discovering current events and global issues of women in 2011.  It is a journey all of us are currently living and all of us are a part of it in some form or another.

While I ultimately respect your opinions and thoughts as women, I am not writing to gain popularity. My ultimate purpose for this blog is to speak truth and by doing so, I hope you are inspired, challenged, enlightened, and encouraged in who you are as women. I hope that each of you realize the impact you can make in your own sphere of influence, be it large or small. If just one of you is encouraged by this blog, then it is worth it.Whether you are a sister, mother, friend, wife, girlfriend, daughter, lover, homemaker, business woman, or student, I pray that you are impacted and challenged to really think for yourself (as I have been) about what you believe so that you can make a difference in the lives around you.

Child Trafficking

So today I want to raise awareness about something heavy,
something I really care about...child trafficking.

While I was doing volunteer work in Southeast Asia 9 years ago, our team decided to pass through the red light district in hopes of sharing the love of Christ with some of the prostitutes. My heart broke as I saw the young women offer their bodies and their souls up in order to make a day's wages.

As we walked, we came across an unusual, large 5 story brothel that caught my eye. It was one of many in a long line of brothels with half naked women and transvestites standing out front. It had a heavy chain lock on the oversized double front door. As our group made small talk with a few of the girls, I couldn't help but stare at that one building. This one was different than all of the others, because every single window was boarded up. It was just like the scene from the movie "Taken." When I asked one of the prostitutes why that particular building was all boarded up, she regretfully told me there were young girls inside. I asked her why no one did anything, and if we should tell the police. She replied, "Oh honey, they are the ones that keep it going." I left in tears, absolutely horrified and it has stuck with me ever since.

Why this is coming up now, I don't know. It is something I have often thought of, but why not now? It is never too late to do something, it is never a bad time to raise awareness. The sad thing is, this type of thing happens everyday. And it is not just in Southeast Asia. It goes on in Europe, Australia, even America. In fact, at a woman's conference I attended in Malaysia I learned that American businessmen are the #1 supporters of child trafficking in Thailand, the trafficking hub of the world. This information was reinforced in my Woman's Studies class at Meredith College.

The problem is big. And almost too sad to talk about. But I want to talk about it. I felt so helpless that day. Today, I want to DO SOMETHING.

This is a cause I believe in. Check it out: www.sctnow.org Stop Child Trafficking Now focuses on putting predators behind bars.

Info from the SCTNOW website:

"Child Trafficking is the recruitment, smuggling, transporting, harboring, buying or selling of a child through force, threats, fraud, deception, or coercion for the purposes of exploitation, prostitution, pornography, migrant work, sweat shops, domestic servitude, forced labor, bondage, peonage or involuntary servitude.
Child trafficking is one of the fastest growing crimes in the world. UNIC
EF values the global market of child trafficking at over $12 billion a year with over 2 million child victims. Men, women and children are all victims but, the most vulnerable groups, those with limited rights or protections, have been the hardest hit… especially children.
Trafficking children into the sex industry is done because there is a demand. Predators seek out vulnerable victims and lure them under false pretenses into situations they cannot escape from. No matter the reason, children have become sexual commodities to be bought and sold for the pleasure of exploiters. These children are scarred for life and need help – our help.
Stop Child Trafficking Now believes strongly that to eliminate this heino
us crime the demand for children must end. That’s why SCTNow seeks to destroy the source. SCTNow believes that by putting predators behind bars we can Stop Child Trafficking Now."



Child Trafficking Statistics:

• 300,000 children in the U.S. are at risk every year for commercial sexual exploitation. -U.S. Department of Justice
• 600,000 – 800,000 people are bought and sold across international borders each year; 50% are children, most are female. The majority of these victims are forced into the commercial sex trade. – U.S. Department of State, 2004, Trafficking in Persons Report, Washington, D.C.
• An estimated 14,500 to 17,500 foreign nationals are trafficked into the United States each year. The number of U.S. citizens trafficked within the country is even higher, with an estimated 200,000 American children at risk for trafficking into the sex industry. – U.S Department of Justice Report to Congress from Attorney General John Ashcroft on U.S. Government Efforts to Combat Trafficking in Persons
• An estimated 2 million children, the majority of them girls, are sexually exploited in the multibillion dollar commercial sex industry – UNICEF
• Investigators and researchers estimate the average predator in the U.S. can make more than $200,000 a year off one young girl
• 
  
• "But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and [that] he were drowned in the depth of the sea." Matt. 18:16

America open your eyes...

How Blessed We Are

While I love fashion, and other forms of art, and enjoy writing about it, I also want this to be a blog about real life. Whatever that may consist of.

This is not some patriotic blog entry, but I just want to get real for a minute. Do you realize how blessed we are to live in this country? I have been in several third world nations, and even I tend to forget sometimes just how good I have it. Even after bandaging wounds in remote villages and working in an AIDS hospess in Cambodia, somehow I seem to get caught up in the glitz and glam of the American lifestyle. Especially around the holidays.... it seems that amidst the sparkle of Crabtree Valley Mall and the hustle and bustle of Glenwood Ave. at 5 pm, I still cannot help but think of all the people in need that have come across my path. It seems those hungry eyes and cold, shoe-less feet will stick with me forever. 

I mean lets face it. While most people are busy trying to keep up with the Jones's and others are trying to keep their budget for Christmas in a fallen economy, let's all keep one thing in mind. Even those of us who are not buying gifts this year are rich beyond measure compared to those who are without a roof over their head or food on their table.

I have a lot more to say about this, but I will post more later. This is enough to "chew" on for now.

The World's Ugliest Shoes

Just so we don't take ourselves and our fashion too seriously, I just had to post this today:

http://shine.yahoo.com/event/fallstyle/the-ugliest-shoes-well-ever-2388563/#photoViewer=1
With the exception of the Uggs, I ask myself, what were these people thinking? Even though they are a bit UGG-ly, I still want a pair of those nice, warm Uggs.

Tights

Bold Tights

The investment in tights of different colors or prints is a great way to diversify your outfits.

Mat or shiny tights? Well, the mat ones will make you look thin, but the shinny ones are elegant and glamorous. Black thighs or tights with natural color highlight your beautiful legs and charming clothes. The easiest way to create a sophisticated image and shine is keeping your feet heated in winter in a very fashionable way: wear a pair of black tights and a long sweater with a glamorous belt.

Black tights look great with denim

Be careful with the shape of your body! Tights or stockings in strong colors fit best for girls with thin and long legs, do not forget, the thicker legs you have, you have to choose darker colors. If you want to create the illusion of longer and thinner legs, try shades of purple and black plums. Watch out for prints! Be careful when wearing big prints, horizontal stripes or very colorful tights. They will thicken your feet and are very difficult to match. If you decide to wear tights with a certain draw, or model, then keep the rest of your image as simple as possible. If you choose to wear colored tights you need to know what to avoid: do not fit them with colored dresses with prints. When wearing uniform colored tights, wear shoes in neutral shades. ~beautips.info

Colored Tights

For more on the do's and don't of wearing tights:

http://www.glamour.com/fashion/2010/09/the-dos-and-donts-of-wearing-tights#slide=1

Scarf Situation

Whether its silk, cashmere, wool or even cotton, we all have our fave scarf. It's Fall, and it feels like it. So if you haven't already, dig

out that long beautiful piece of fabirc and rock it.

(left): Wearing a scarf allows you to instantly look more stylish without having to wear lots of accessories.

(right): Scarves are perfect for looking more fashionable in an instant, even when only wearing a t-shirt and jeans.

How to wear scarves:

Simple tie. Best with your winter coat's collar turned up and the scarf lying under the collar to help secure it.

One loop around. Wrap long scarf once around neck.

Loop around and knot. Fold a large triangular scarf or shawl with fringe in half with the points in front. Wrap around back once and tie in front.

Bib style. Take a square scarf and fold in half. Tie in back.

Shawl wrap. Drape around your shoulders and tie in front. Or leave one end longer and sweep it over your shoulder for more drama and warmth.

Fold, tie, and loop. Fold long scarf in half lengthwise, wrap around your neck, and pull the ends through

Let it hang. Let a long scarf hang around the back of your neck so that the two ends are in front, on either side.

Double Knot

There is something so fresh and organic about this hair....I love it. To me, this hair style looks country french and could be worn with a button down kelly green cardigan, khakis, and tall brown boots. It also would be a great compliment to a nautical theme outfit such as a long navy trench coat over white denim and gold heels.

Ten on Denim

In light of my recent post "Denim Direction" I would like to make a few suggestions when shopping for your fave pair.....


1. Just say "no" to camel-toe! If it's "riding up" you need to "put them down" immediatly and walk away-fast!

2. High waisted, washed out, pleated "mom jeans" are usually not cool. Unless you are under the age of 24, are skinny as a bean pole and are trying to pull off the urban boho high waisted look that you see some famished models wearing these days, steer clear!


3. Beware of muffin top. Yes we love eating them, but we don't want to look like one. If you are set on wearing that particularly tight pair, be sure to wear a billowy top, or sweater that will hide the love handles. Otherwise you should opt for a larger size.

4. Baggy britches are just not flattering. I'm sorry but they are not. By no means do you HAVE to wear tight jeans, but at least try to find something that isn't hanging/dangling/sagging in your seat. If there is enough fabric to grab with your whole hand in your butt/thigh area, you are in seriously saggy trouble. Try shopping for a slimmer leg jean.

5. We all love skinnys, but let's face it, they are just not meant for all people. By no means do you have to be skinny to pull of skinnys, but you must know how to wear them. With skinny jeans, it's all about proportion. If you wear skinny jeans/pants, you need to wear a looser fitting top, or a longer tunic. This will bring balance to your frame and draw your eye up, while avoiding overall tightness.

6. You should be able to fit at least two to three fingers in comfortably at the waist. If not, they are probably too tight. If you can fit your whole fist, they may be too large.

7. If you are concerned about your belly and want to draw attention away from it, avoid low-rise denim, that cut in just under your belly. A medium-rise is best to keep belly buldge at bay, especially when you sit down. Low-rise will give way for your belly to hang out/push out where a medium-rise jean will actually keep it nicely tucked in.

8. If hips are your concern, skinny jeans are your enemy. Opt for a boot-cut jean that will bell just a bit at the bottom and bring balance to your hips/butt. Another nice fit for hippy women is a dark wide legged jean. The width all the way down to the floor actually brings equilibrim to your legs and hips.

9. Remember that dark denim is always the most dressy and will make you look slimmer than light-medium denim.


10. If you have flat butt syndrome, when shopping try to keep in mind that flap pockets will work wonders for your "lack there of." They add visual weight and curviness when your wall-like butt needs a bit of help.

Denim Direction

Denim.....Every woman needs at least 4 (at minimun) good pairs of jeans. You may already have these and not even realize it.

 1) You need one sexy dark denim jean for when you are feeling "fierce". This is the ultimate hot party pant, also referred to as your "going out jeans" and can be skinny or slim-boot cut (not too much flare), but they must be dark.

 2) Then you need one pair of good "comfy/day" jeans for everyday use. This pair is the "stopping in at Wal-Mart" basic and known as your "bummin' -round" jean. This pair should be more loose fitting and can be any color; I prefer light to medium denim for this.

 3) Third, you need a good "transitional-weekend" jean that can be dressed up or down. This is the "favorite" pair that you absolutely must take with you when going out of town, and can easily transition from day to night depending on your shoes, accessories, and top. This can be medium to dark; I prefer dark, because dark always looks dressier no matter what you put it with.

 4) You need one more pair of either #2 or #3 jeans depending on your lifestyle. If you go out a lot and need to switch it up from your "fierce" jeans, if you travel a lot, or have a more overall "urban look" I suggest owning another #3 jean. This fourth pair is fun and can be charcoal, black, blue or even white and can be skinny or boot-cut. If, however, you have a more casual lifestyle and prefer working in the yard to hitting the shops, you will want to own another #2 "comfy-day" jean. This can be what ever color you want, but loose fitting, keeping it comfy and casual.

 5) Like I said, every woman must own at least 4 pairs of jeans. Your fifth and sixth pairs are optional. These jeans can range from dark to light, and skinny to wide-legged. If you own a 7th, 8th, and 9th pair, it is highly likely that you don't need them and/or never wear them. This is probably due to the fact that you: a) unfortulatley can't fit in them anymore, and are praying that you can squeeze your butt into them one day, b) you are hoping this particular style of denim will make a "come back" (don't hold your breath for it), or c) you may have a fashion-hoarding issue and desperately need to clean out your closet.

Let's face it ladies, it may be time to clean out if you haven't worn them in a year (my golden rule). If on the other hand, you are missing one of any of the four pairs listed above, I suggest you hit up your favorite shops in search of the "necessary pair". Remember: it is important for a woman to have options, but too many options or not enough, may leave you feeling overwhelmed.

Clothing I Designed and Created

Other Work

Black Ink on Artboard

Seasonal Plate

Window Display