Walk Like a Lady, Write Like a Man

R.E.S.P.E.C.T

Aretha Franklin said it best, "R.E.S.P.E.C.T....Find out what it means to me."  What does it mean to you? Or better yet, what does it mean, to not be respected as a woman?

To put it bluntly, most women suck at speaking up for themselves. Whether you are too timid or too bold, there is a fine line when it comes to commanding respect. Most of us fall into one of these two categories: we either don't stand up for ourselves enough and resent ourselves later for it, or we make a fool of ourselves trying to demand respect and regret it later.

Once you feel you have been disrespected, you have to ask yourself: is it better to say nothing at all, or take the risk and defend yourself. As with any risk, there can and will be consequences. Whether the outcome will be negative or positive depends ultimately on  your approach to the situation.

Softly Playing Hard Ball:

By no means have I mastered this art. In fact, coming from a family with very strong men, (and women, for that matter), I have had to learn and am still learning the right way, the hard way. I write out of experience, probably more of what not to do, in hopes of helping you achieve the best results of standing up for yourself in a situation where there has been a disregard for your person-hood.

If you don't say anything at all, you risk the chance that you will not be respected in the future. If you say it in an overbearingly way (out of emotion), you risk not being respected in the future. When it comes to dealing with men, the key is to stand up for yourself in a firm but feminine way. Why firm? Because you want to get your point across. Why feminine? Because you are not a man, and therefore are not expected to be a man. That's right. You are not expected to be a man, but when dealing with men in communication, you will achieve far better results if you can learn how to communicate on their terms. That is why, if you can retain your femininity while not being overly emotional, what you have to say will be received well.

Business with the Big Boys: 

So why should we have to conform? I remember when my boss called me into his office and said that he had a suggestion for my email writings. I was ready for him to point out some grammatical or spelling error. Instead, he said, "Tiffany, you need to learn how to write like a man." "Write like a man???" I asked. I could feel my blood pressure rising. Then he pointed out where I said in my email, "I am happy to set up the meeting for the three of us." I was referring to a three-way conference call with a couple of big clients. He said, "Not I would be happy to. I plan to.... I plan to set up the meeting." I left the meeting furious. It wasn't fair that I was being corrected for something as stupid as this. What was my work performance based on anyway? Apparently it mattered more that I communicate like a man, than if I misspelled a word, or put a semicolon in the wrong place. Why should I be expected to wear a skirt, and walk like a lady, yet write like a man?

It was in that moment it dawned on me, just how much we really do live in a man's world. I saw for probably the first time that I could not change every single man out there, I could only change myself. Unless he worked for a marketing company and was working on a Dove advertising campaign, a man would simply never be asked to "write more like a woman." So plain and simple, this is the dilemma we are up against. Though I walked away resenting him for it, unfortunately my boss was right. If we are to get ahead in the business world, women must learn to write, and speak like men.

So there you have it. Over-emotionalize, and risk being tuned-out completely. Over-authorize and risk being called a Femi-natzi. Especially in the work place. Good luck Ladies!

Has anyone else had to deal with this sort of thing? Please post your thoughts.